Into the Fog

It starts around the edges of life
One too many names forgotten
One too many appointments missed
Something bought at the store
that is already on the shelf
It disturbs at first
Soon with life's stress
family, the bills, the details
It becomes understandable
expected and then dismissed
With time more is excused
until a new skill is learned

It gathers further into life
a mist that obscures the world
Looking for a car no longer owned
Knocking on a door for a friend
moved away years ago
Second set of checks sent
for the months bills
Unexplained layoff, sad dismissal
Harder to excuse, to ignore
Anger and fear create
more desperate excuses
The skill perfects
Liberty protected
Control maintained

The fog is apparent to all now
Family confronts and accuses
The car keys are gone
The check book is missing
Doorways are blocked
Strangers come in to clean and cook
without invitation or acceptance
Doctors are visited
Family becomes rude
making demands, angry threats
apologies and tears
All talk around you
not to you
Control slips away

The fog envelopes now
Only a vague view of the outside
and less to see inside
The constant feeling of being lost
The need to find something, someone
Time and people a blur
One moment the same as another
One person no different than any
confusion almost a pain
People stop you, pull at you
you get angry
you fight back
more angry people
tugging and pulling

There is fog in all directions now
All light that is you is dissipated
in a billowing mist of fears
a listless query to find a way
into clarity and light
Where is my wife
She died four years ago
Where an I
Oakview Nursing Home
What time is it
You just asked that
What are you doing
Feeding you
What happened to me
No answer, only the fog